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    It's hell to be old...


    Posts : 84
    Join date : 2010-02-22
    Age : 67

    It's hell to be old...

    Post  LaLuna on Sun 21 Mar 2010, 11:37 pm

    It's Hell to be Old

    OLD people have problems that you haven't even considered yet!

    An 85-year-old man was requested by his Doctor for a sperm count as part
    of his physical exam.

    The doctor gave the man a jar and said, 'Take this jar home and bring
    back a semen sample tomorrow.'

    The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and
    gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.

    The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, 'Well, doc, it's
    like this -- first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried
    with my left hand, but still nothing.

    'Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with
    her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth
    in, then with her teeth out, still nothing.

    'We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first
    with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between
    her knees, but still nothing.'

    The doctor was shocked! 'You asked your neighbor?'

    The old man replied, 'Yep, none of us could get the jar open.'

    Posts : 155
    Join date : 2010-02-18
    Location : Lake La


    Post  Conch23 on Wed 24 Mar 2010, 4:23 am

    A lecturer when explaining stress management to an audience,Raised a glass of water and asked'How heavy is this glass of water?'Answers called out ranged from 20g to 500g.The lecturer replied, 'The absolute weight doesn't matter.It depends on how long you try to hold it.
    If I hold it for a minute, that's not a problem.If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my right arm.If I hold it for a day, you'll have to call an ambulance.In each case, it's the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes.'He continued,'And that's the way it is with stress management.If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later,As the burden becomes increasingly heavy,We won't be able to carry on. ''
    As with the glass of water,You have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again.When we're refreshed, we can carry on with the burden.''So, before you return home tonight, put the burden of work down.Don't carry it home.You can pick it up tomorrow.Whatever burdens you're carrying now,Let them down for a moment if you can.
    'So, my friend, Put down anything that may be a burden to you right now.Don't pick it up again until after you've rested a while.
    Here are some great ways of dealing with the burdens of life:* Accept that some days you're the pigeon,And some days you're the statue.*
    Always keep your words soft and sweet,Just in case you have to eat them.* Always wear stuff that will make you look good If you die in the middle of it.* Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can beRecalled by their maker.* If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.*
    If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again,It was probably worth it.*
    It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to be kind to others*
    Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time,Because then you won't have a leg to stand on.* Nobody cares if you can't dance well.Just get up and dance.*
    Since it's the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late.* The second mouse gets the cheese.* When everything's coming your way,You're in the wrong lane.* Birthdays are good for you.The more you have, the longer you live.* You may be only one person in the world,But you may also be the world to one person.*
    Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.*
    We could learn a lot from crayons... Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull. Some have weird names, and all are different colors, but they all have to live in the same box.*A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.Have an awesome day and know that someone has thought about you today...I did .

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