Vim,
Fascinating report! Had gone back to bed earlier today, only to toss and turn and have yet more problems with my flipped out ego and the unyielding guidance from within, but was stopped by a knock at the door. Didn't recognize my visitor through the peepscope, nor initially in the flesh. Then it dawned on me it was my youngest brother Charles--a radically slimmed down one all but unrecognizable! What a trip, and what a treat to see him! Almost missed out because of phone problems, but he knew where I lived and someone buzzed him in. Lots of healing conversation, hugs, genuine concern and a raid on my favorite BBQ joint! Part of our conversation was about the infernal stagnation and persistent blocking of any and all efforts on my end, the very thing both of us have been talking about--of being effectively paralyzed here, in the seemingly endless frozen moment, yet unable to shift, release or do anything to bring forth something new that actually works and feels good. He knows how hard and long I've tried to make things work and, to some degree at least, how incredibly and mutably broken I am. Of all my five siblings, I think he understands me best and has real compassion and empathy for me. So glad I got to see him! Best thing that's happened to me in ages!
Visit notwithstanding, I 'm taking a combo syptoms beating in the head, guts, back and sciatics. Running both hot and cold and am venting as of 8:37 p.m. PST.
John